The following is the eulogy from my Grandmother's funeral on August 31, 2018:
Today we are here to celebrate the life of Beverly Joan Buck.
Today we are here to celebrate the life of Beverly Joan Buck.
She was born
in Marion on September 6, 1933 to Elmer “Abe” and Eileen McMillan. She was their only child. She was a graduate of Marion High School’s
class of 1951. She and J Merrill Buck
married on October 18, 1952 and they had two children, Jay and Christy.
For those of
you here today that don’t know me, I’m Joan’s grandson Jason. I was her first grandchild. I’m one of 4 of her grandchildren. My sister Julie and my two cousins, Amanda
and Gabe. Julie and I belong to Grandma
and Grandpa’s oldest, their son Jay and our mother Cathy. Amanda and Gabe belong to my Aunt Chris and
Uncle Paul. Grandma and Grandpa also get some credit for the role they played
with Grandma’s cousin Denise Conn.
Then there
are the great-grandchildren. My wife
Staci and I have 4 – Avery, Sofani, Jackson and Anna. Julie and her husband Scott have 2 – Mason
and Marlee. Denise and her husband Andy
have one daughter, Savannah. That’s a
total of seven that call my Grandma Joan great-grandma.
On behalf of
our entire family, I would like to thank everyone for coming.
Grandma Joan
deeply loved her family. She was always
present – typically with great seats – cheering us on and encouraging us. She was at every grandchild and
great-grandchild’s award show, musical, band recital and sporting event. We could easily spot her in the crowd with
her trademark, meticulous, blonde hairdo.
Sometimes, though, it was easier to hear her. Grandma was famous for the occasional
“comment” to the coaches and referees.
She took her sports very seriously – she knew them well – and didn’t shy
away from offering what I would like to call – at least on this day – as “suggestions.”
One time when Jackson was little, his team
was playing in a basketball gym in Dunkirk, Indiana. Grandma had been riding one of the referees
during the game and at one point came over near where she was sitting at a dead
ball. He offered her a smile and a disarming
comment to try and make peace as he got ready for the inbound play. But Grandma was having none of it. She told him that she had been thrown out of
far worse places. I don’t think she was
kidding. That was Grandma.
With family
being her focus, I want to share some memories and give some perspective from
Grandma’s favorite people – her Grandchildren.
I’ll start
with Amanda. I think I speak on behalf
of all the Grandchildren when I say Amanda was better to Grandma than the rest
of us. Amanda and Grandma had an
incredible friendship. Between the phone
calls and visits – she gave Grandma the biggest dose of the thing Grandma
valued the most – time. For that I would
like to say “thank you” to Amanda.
Amanda has
fond memories of watching IU basketball with Grandma. And her love of Soap Operas. Grandma and Amanda even made a trip to New York
City to meet the cast of one of their favorite shows. On that trip they went to
Madame Tussaud’s and had their pictures taken with George Clooney, John Wayne
and Bill Clinton. Grandma also pushed some
of the limits by letting Amanda watch the Golden Girls with her at a young
age. Some of the adult humor was
probably over Amanda’s head at the time but they plowed through Golden Girls
marathons into the wee hours of the morning.
I think we all would admit Grandma could have been a cast member on that
show with no alteration of her character required. She could have easily
replaced Blanche Devereaux. Grandma and
Amanda always made an annual trip to Beef and Boards for Amanda’s birthday –
even in recent years when getting around was becoming a challenge for Grandma. Amanda would drive, and Grandma would
navigate. This year they were seated at
a table with another group to watch “Singing in the Rain.” Normally they had a
table to themselves, but this year it gave Grandma an opportunity to chat with
some strangers – something she was very comfortable doing.
Next is my
cousin Gabe. He credits Grandma for
helping shape him into the person his is today.
Grandma, perhaps inadvertently, gave Gabe a clear sense of his
identity. She was willing to do the nontraditional
things with him such as taking him out for tea.
She accepted him unconditionally and let him be himself as opposed to
forcing him into a specific role. One
memory Gabe has is telling Grandma that he wanted to shave his legs when he was
in Middle School. Rather than rebuke him
and tell him it was a bad idea, she redirected him to his mom and advised him
to clear it with her first. It was a
subtle thing, but she didn’t make Gabe feel like this was a weird question or
that he was stupid for asking. She never
shied away from the unusual question or difficult conversation. Oh, and by the way, Gabe never did shave his
legs.
My sister Julie
remembers Grandma’s sense of family. Grandma
always cherished time when everyone was together purely to enjoy each other’s
company. She valued spending time
together. Julie remembers Grandma
gathering everyone around a table to play euchre, listening to old records,
looking at old photos, playing outside and catching lightening bugs. Julie shared a lot of time with Grandma
growing up. She was one of Grandma’s
biggest accomplices when it came to shopping trips. And Grandma was always interested in the
scoop. She wanted to know what was going
on in Julie’s life and be involved in the discussion. Most importantly, Grandma made Julie feel
like she was proud of her. Proud of her
as a High School Cheerleader, a Boilermaker, a wife and a mother.
Personally,
Grandma and I had several things we had in common over the years of which I’m
sure she would take full credit. The
Chicago Cubs was first. We could always
catch up and talk Cubs baseball. She kept
close tabs on the team. She helped me
understand that part of being a Cubs fan was suffering. They were the lovable losers. After she took me to Wrigley field I began to
understand Cubs baseball wasn’t about wins and losses. It was about being at the ballpark. It was about the renewed hope of every new
season and the agony we usually began to experience by June. It was about enduring the pain and holding
onto hope that “there’s always next year.”
In 2016, I was at the World Series when the Cubs won. She was one of the only people I wanted to
talk to while I was at the game. I
wanted to share it with her. The pain
was over.
Somewhere in
the early nineties I went through a country music phase. Up until that point I had sworn off country
music but Grandma maintained “once you understand what all of those songs are
talking about you’ll be hooked.” She was
right. She loved the classics and so do
I. George Jones, Willie Nelson, and
Merle Haggard were some of her favorites.
They sang about the good times and the bad times. And, most often, how both the good and bad
times could be made better with a cold beer or something involving
whiskey. Grandma understood that life
wasn’t perfect – it was about coping and dealing with the events of life. It was about perseverance.
And then
there were the Marion Giants. Grandma was
a season ticket holder for 70 years. She
was passionate about basketball and was a fixture at home games with Grandpa from
their years in section BB to more recent years in their courtside seats. She always had an opinion about the Giants
and was a fiercely loyal fan. She saw
the games through purple and gold lenses and didn’t make any bones about her
dislike for the biggest foes of her Marion Giants. On Monday, I had a message from Grandpa via
Aunt Chris reiterating Grandma’s bad feelings about some of the individuals
that broke the hearts of Giants fans over the years to include in today’s
service. I’ll name a few. Scott Skyles, Plymouth High School 1982;
Stacie Toran, Indianapolis Broad Ripple 1980; George McGinnis, Indianapolis
Washington 1969 and Steve Alford, New Castle 1983. This will be one of my favorite memories of
Grandma from just this past week.
Grandpa knew that Grandma would want this to be said today. Even from the Gates of Heaven, she would want
to have the final word and remind all of us of her dislike of these guys. So, on behalf of my Grandma and every Giants
fan alive in 1983, I would like to set the record straight and make one final
declaration on her behalf. James
Blackmon, Sr. was the IHSAA Mr. Basketball in 1983.
We all know
that Grandma wasn’t a churchgoing person.
I don’t know why exactly. We
never really talked about it. A couple
of weeks ago in the hospital, my wife, Staci, was alone with Grandma. I think Grandma may have been sensing the end
was drawing nearer and they had a conversation on salvation. I’m not sure if Grandma had made the
declaration that Jesus was her Lord and Savior at any time previously in her
life. But I know she did that day and I
find peace in knowing that Grandma made this confession and is now restored in
her heavenly body. We know from God’s
promises in the Bible that in heaven all things are new, there are no tears or
pain, and there is perfect peace. Romans
10:9 says “if you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your
heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved.” I’m at peace standing here today knowing that
this transaction took place between God and Grandma Joan.
I bring this
up because it’s never too late to say “yes” to Jesus. In the book of Luke, Chapter 23, Luke gives the
account of the crowds had gathered to crucify Jesus because of his assertion
that he was the Son of God. Jesus was
there alongside two other men – both of which were criminals. After being beaten and hung on the cross, Jesus
prayed to God, his Father, and asked them to forgive the men who were mocking
him and who were in process of killing him saying, “Father, forgive them, for
they know not what they are doing.” This
is an incredible illustration of God’s mercy and His forgiving heart. One of the men hanging on the cross next to
Jesus insulted him saying, “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” But other man rebuked him. He said, “Don’t you fear God since you are
under the same sentence? We are punished
justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man (Jesus) has done nothing
wrong.” Then this man said to Jesus,
“Remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
Jesus answered him. “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in
paradise.” This clearly states – from
Jesus himself – that it’s never too late to declare that Jesus is the King of
Kings, Lord of Lords, the giver of salvation, the great redeemer and my – and
Grandma’s - personal savior.
The past
year was especially trying for both Grandma and Grandpa with multiple
hospitalizations. Her body began to fail
her and that was hard on both. Grandma
was dealing with the frustrations of not being able to drive and “go and do”
like she was so used to for her entire life.
She had nagging injuries and pain.
She had a hard time with basic things – walking, grooming and so
on. But at her side was always
Grandpa. Helping her walk. Helping her to the bathroom. Helping her with any and everything. I know him well enough to know that he did
these things without complaining. It was
not an obligation. It was an honor. He filled every void without question to help
keep Grandma functioning in this new, frustrating way of life that she was
experiencing.
While I know
we’re here to celebrate Grandma’s life, I don’t think you can do that without
paying the proper respect to Grandpa. He
was a faithful servant that loved his wife with every act of service along the
way. With every one of Grandma’s
shuffled steps, with every lift, with every meal served, he was right
there. Grandpa, we thank you for taking
such good care of our Grandma.
Integrity is
a characteristic that is best defined as “what you do or how you conduct
yourself when no one is watching.” We
know there were many challenging times over these past couple of years as
Grandma’s health began to fail and you were there to carry the burden. If this tough time has taught us anything,
it’s that you, Grandpa, are man of high character and integrity. You did the hard things when nobody was watching. We love you.
