Two Years

Two years ago Staci, Avery, Jackson and I were in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to take Sofani home to our family.  So much has happened over the last couple of years and it’s a great time to reflect.

At the hotel in Addis in the Summer of '12

First, I still marvel at Sofani for taking such a leap of faith.  Here’s a boy that left his friends and relatives in Mekelle to check himself into an orphanage in Addis so that he would be legally eligible for adoption.  He knew me for 3 days.  He didn’t know Staci or anyone else in our family.  We didn’t even speak the same language.  He put all of the trust in the world in me - that I would circle halfway around the world to come and get him out of the orphanage while paperwork was processed and the hope that the court to rule in our favor.  He had to spend 5 months in a tiny orphanage filled with infants and toddlers.  Two years later – it’s still mind blowing.  Sofi’s courage is something that is hard to imagine.  It is all the evidence you need that children are desperate to be loved, have parents and be part of a family. 

Things weren't always easy.  As a matter of fact, the adjustment resulting from Sofani’s adoption was the hardest thing our family has ever endured.  There’s absolutely no question about it.  Roles were shifted.  Everything was shared.  Patience was tested.  Tears were shed.  Fairness became an issue.  Insecurities and past life experiences had to be addressed.  Language and communication were more an issue than we anticipated.  The peace of our home was thrown out the window.  At times I wondered what had happened.  Why did God give us such clear signs that Sofani was meant to be in our family only to make things so difficult on all of us?  Why was my nice and tidy family suddenly at the altar?

It’s not something that I blogged about – the experiences were way too personal.  We put on our best front in public – holding onto the fact that one day we would reach the end of all the hard times and establish a “new normal” for our family.  But there were days where each of us were gutted, discouraged and questioning how we arrived at this point in our lives and questioning God’s plan for our family.  There were days that Sofani said he wanted to go back to Ethiopia.  There were days I would have bought the ticket.  The people closest to us know what this was like for our family and we will be forever grateful to you for your love and support.  We made it!

That’s why it’s so awesome to be at the two year mark.  The difficulties in year one seem so far behind us now.  For all of the struggles, God has blessed us tenfold with laughter, joy and peace.  I’m not just saying that.  I really mean it.  It feels completely natural to give him a hug, hear him call me “dad,” encourage him, challenge him, support him and love him.  There is not a doubt in my mind that the feeling is mutual.

The awesome thing about the last two years has been the lives that have been touched by Sofani.  Hearts have been softened.  Eyes have been opened.  Our family extends well beyond the four walls of our house.

I can’t say enough about the support we've had from our church.  The spiritual warfare we encountered was real and the folks in our church were right there with us – offering us support and sound, biblical advice on how to handle our challenges. 

Our community and school system has been incredible.  They've taken a very unfamiliar challenge and embraced it.  Sofani’s teachers, counselors, coaches, helpers have all been so patient and loving towards him.  We may have our quirks in Selma, but I can tell you it’s a great place to raise a family.

Our parents, grandparents and extended family have been so incredible with the love they've given Sofi.  I can’t do it justice trying to describe it.

My grandparents, J and Joan, drive over from Marion to go to his baseball games.  My grandma has had him spend the night alone just so she could read him the same books that she read to her other grandchildren at a much younger age.   Staci’s dad, Tom, lets him help in his workshop and imparts wisdom on how to build and fix things that he’s not going to get from me.  Staci’s mom, Anita, takes him looking for coins and other hidden treasures at the school across the street from their house.  My mom, Cathy, loves to take him shopping and keeps him looking stylish.  My dad, Jay, attends all of his events and imparts a very familiar brand of wisdom and encouragement in everything Sofi tackles.

Anna hasn't batted an eye through all of our experiences over the first two years.  Sofani is her big brother and her cartoon watching buddy.  She’ll never remember life before his arrival.

Anna, Sofani and Sponge Bob (most days)

Avery and Sofi have developed a great friendship and enjoy a very typical brother and sister relationship.  She helps him with homework and has blazed a trail of acceptance and justice among her friends and in our community.

Avery and Sofani - Soccer - Fall '13

Staci has loved him from the minute I mentioned his name.  She loves Sofani with the same capacity that she does the three that she birthed.  She challenges him, disciplines him and has forged a relationship that is so incredible and unique – it’s amazing.  She has sacrificed so much of herself to push through the tough times and persevere. She has grown in her faith and has opened so many eyes to the wonderful privilege associated with adoption.  She and Sofi now joke around about the first few months after he arrived - all of the times he tested her and challenged her.  She has chipped away day by day to shape and mold him with her constant love and instruction.

Besides Staci and Sofani, there’s no one I have more admiration and respect for than my son Jackson.  While he was very excited to finally have a brother, we all underestimated how many sacrifices would come along with it.  Jackson has shared his room, clothes, friends and time.  Sofani’s adventurous spirit has stretched Jackson in the same way that Jackson’s loving heart has extended to Sofani.  It’s been a joy to watch these two bond and grow both as individuals and as brothers.

My Boys - Fall '13

This has been a life changing experience for me.  I am a better father, better husband and better Christian man because of Sofani.  I changed careers and shifted my priorities so that I can invest more time and attention to my family.  I don’t take all of the things that I've been entrusted to for granted.  I am soaking up all of the joys of life more now than I ever have in the past.  He has enriched my life and our family beyond measure.  I’m grateful that God crossed our paths and that we both said “yes” to His plan to connect us.  We needed each other and God knew it.

Two years.  It’s a landmark day for us.  We thank all of you for your love and prayers!

The Crew - Summer '13

Eye Opening Experience

In early April, our family participated in the Ball State University PAYLP (Pan African Youth Leadership Program) as a host family.  There were 24 high school students participating in the program from 8 sub-Saharan African countries.  The students we hosted, Ruth and Joseph, were from Nigeria and Zimbabwe respectively.  They were both chosen because they are future leaders in their countries.  They spent time in Washington D.C. and Chicago along with the two weeks in Muncie.

During the two weeks that they lived with us, Ruth and Joseph were able to experience living in America firsthand.  They quickly became part of our drop-off/pick-up schedule.  They had seats at the dinner table, watched movies and went bowling with us like they were a part of our family.  From the minute that we met them until the time we dropped them off they called Staci and me “Mom” and “Dad.” They’re both great kids.

Joseph described his time in America as “powerful” (this word has become our family’s favorite new adjective by the way).  I asked him one morning as I was taking him to Ball State what he thought Americans took for granted.  His answer was simple – running water and electricity.  Joseph explained that his school day didn’t start until Noon because he spent each morning walking to get water for his family.  He loads empty containers each morning and walks 15 minutes to a Mormon Church to get them filled and another 15 minutes to return home. 

Ruth lives in a part of Africa where there is a great deal of violence with Boko Haram, an Islamist extremist group.  Boko Haram means “Western education is sinful.”  On Monday of her second week with us, there were 60 people killed in Nigeria after homes were set on fire and people were shot trying to escape.  Wow.  I couldn’t believe this and I started reading more about Boko Haram.  I was saddened at what I found.

Since January ‘14, there have been 250,000 people in northern Nigeria have been displaced from their homes because of the violence.  Over 1000 have died so far this year.  Since 2009, over 6000 people have been killed in the violence in Nigeria in Boko Haram’s quest to form a separate, strict Islamic state.  

On April 14^th (the day before Ruth left us), over 230 girls from a secondary school in the Nigerian town of Chibok were abducted while they were at a secondary school by members of Boko Haram.  These girls are Ruth’s age.  They’re still missing.  According to community leaders in Nigeria, these girls will be displaced by being sold and forced to marry the Islamic extremists that kidnapped them.  One source that I read this morning said that they were being sold off for $12 apiece.

Over 230 Girls Kidnapped from their School are Still Missing in Nigeria

On April 19^th, Ruth and Joseph headed back to Nigeria and Zimbabwe.  As you can imagine, they have been on our hearts ever since.

It’s very easy to get caught up in routine news in the US – celebrity drama, political scandal, weather, traffic, etc.  What we view as important has everything to do with what is made important to us by the media.  I challenge each of you reading this to begin following the story about the missing girls in Nigeria.  Pray for them.  Pray for their poor families that must be completely terrified.  (#BringBackOurGirls)

Joseph’s story of walking to a Mormon church to get water reminded me that the Latter Day Saints have a very effective mission program.  Joseph’s family is Mormon.  They rely on their church to meet the most basic needs.  Ruth’s story reminded me that radical Islam is not isolated to parts of the Middle East.  It’s spreading.

Two weeks with Ruth and Joseph added motivation, passion and validation in my effort to spread the news of Jesus Christ to the people of Mekelle, Ethiopia by building our first Bible Training Center in northern Ethiopia.  Is one Bible Training Center going to change the world?  I pray that it will alter the course of at least one African city.  This week, we eclipsed the $50,000 mark with a couple months of fundraising on the way to our goal of $200,000.  To learn more about how you can get involved and help spread God’s Word visit www.harvestinethiopia.com.