"He's All Yours"

We sat in a waiting room for the adoption hearing on Wednesday for what seemed like forever.  There  were a collection of people – mother’s that had given up their children, relatives of children in orphanages, social workers and around 10 other couples to gain approval for adoption much like us.  They started off calling all of the couples – everyone but us.  Then they called all of the family members and mothers.  We just sat there.  We were the last ones in the waiting room – Staci, Me, our two Social workers from AAI and Sofani.  Finally we were called into the court room to answer a series of questions and were given approval to make Sofani our fourth child.  At that moment the Judge signed the documents making it official. The Judge said, “He’s all yours.”  We were thrilled.  Months of anxiety finally resulted in the desired outcome.  He’s all ours.

We were incredibly blessed to be able to spend 3 full days with our new son.

He is the sweetest boy.   He latched onto me as soon as we met and we were virtually inseparable for three days.  It was so much fun to watch him bond with Staci, too.  She loves him as much as I do. 

Let me tell you a little bit about Sofani. 

He’s incredibly sweet.  He is the oldest kid of the 23 at “Jane’s” house (the transition home that he’s been living in for the past 2 months as part of the adoption process).  Nearly all of the children are infants.  He sleeps on a top bunk with his belongings proudly displayed, his clothes neatly folded at the foot of his bed.  He watches over the little ones at the orphanage and cares for them like they’re his family. 

We were in the market with him buying some souvenirs and gifts to take home on Thursday afternoon.  We had purchased bracelets for Avery and Anna the night before and we wanted Sofani to pick up a couple things for him to remember our visit by until we returned to pick him up in several weeks after our Embassy appointment (passport, visa, etc.).  He began shopping for Jackson.  The kid that had everything packed for 3 days with us in a plastic bag was shopping for his brother back in the states.  Unbelievable.

We were eating outside yesterday at our hotel and Staci had a fly land in her chicken salad.  She instinctively pushed her plate away as she watched the fly swim around in her salad for a few seconds.  Sofani immediately pushed his plate in front of her so that she would still have something to eat. 

He loves music and dancing.  We had dinner at our hotel and Sofani made his way over to a synthesizer in the corner of the room.  He began playing.  Not just playing but entertaining the room.  Making up songs and singing like he was on stage.  The staff at the hotel all loved him, so no one was about to make him stop.  Everyone just laughs.  His ever present smile is so disarming. It makes you melt.

We went outside the hotel to sit in the courtyard.  Someone was dejaying and playing Ethiopian music.  Sofani quickly sought them out, demanded that they play some Tigrenian music (his region of Ethiopia). He grabbed Staci and I and began showing us dance moves and singing the songs.  He laughed at us and we encouraged him to keep going.  He is full of personality.  He’s going to be very popular in Selma.

He’s smart.  Sofani figured our Staci’s iphone, camera and computer in minutes.  He gained confidence speaking English by the hour.  He had English in his school in Mikelle and can read it well considering it’s not his primary language.  He understands what we’re talking about and was able to have conversations with us, albeit a bit choppy, by the time we left on Thursday.  Learning English isn’t going to be a problem. 

We had such an amazing three days with Sofani.  We are filled with joy and know more than ever that this is God’s plan for our family.   I will be returning in a month or so to attend the Embassy appointment and take him home with us once and for all.  Leaving him Thursday night at the airport was so hard.  We cried all the way through check-in (thinking about it still makes me cry as I write this).  Sofani’s big smile turned to tears as he hugged and kissed Staci and me.  Walking away was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I reminded Sofani – and I keep trying to remind myself – “I’ll be back as soon as I am able.  As soon as the paperwork is processed, I’ll be on the first plane to Addis to get you.”

There are so many stories to tell about our time in Ethiopia – definitely more entries to write.  First, I have to thank Staci – my partner on this journey.  Her support and willingness to make Sofani a part of our family go beyond words for me.  She is a wonderful woman and this entire process has pulled us closer together.  God has rewarded our marriage.  This been one of the best weeks of our lives.  I have to thank all of the friends and family that have helped with Avery, Jackson and Anna while we’ve been away.  We missed Avery’s “Terrific Kid” award ceremony for Selma Elementary and her 5^th grade graduation.  Staci and I were so encouraged to call home and talk with the kids.  They all “get it.”  They know that we had to leave this week to attend court and to make it official.  They were fired up to hear Sofani’s voice.  We are blessed to have such wonderful parents, grandparents and friends.  We also appreciate the comments on Facebook.  When you’re half a world away, it is comforting to hear from folks back home – rooting us on and sharing with us in this love story. 

Some Things Are Universally Fun

Staci has taken over Buck's Blog with today's exciting update.  Here's her account of today's events:

Some things are universally fun:  SpongeBob, Arm-Wrestling, and Hitting Mom on
the Rear with a Ball When She Bends Over. - Staci Buck

So today, WOW.

1 year ago if someone would have told me I'd be on a plane without my kids from
Indianapolis-Ethiopia to build our family through adoption, I'd have said they
were crazy.  Oddly enough, yesterday I looked out of a plane at a vast desert
land and the huge meandering Nile and realized that somehow this seemed
perfectly sane.  For whatever reason, God picked us to be a family to a child I
didn't even know, but already loved, and we were no longer going to be separated
by thousands of miles. 

I can say I was just as nervous and excited as I was the last 3 times I met our
children.  I can say just as the birth of Avery, Jackson, and Anna was a love
story for Jason and me as it made us even more connected, so was this.  To land
in Ethiopia and see a sign with our names was surreal.  I think I was in shock
from lack of sleep and being 1/2 way around the world from our kids, but it all
came crashing in when I saw that sign.  This is REAL.  There really is an agency
in another time zone, in another world that knows we are coming; and they have
Sofani.  To add to the shock, we had been prepared to "not ask" for more time
than our allotted 3 day 2-3 hour visits.  The beautiful sign-holding lady
informed us that we would be staying at a different location due to an
overbooking and it was a 2 bedroom apartment.  We would be allowed to pick up
Sofani and keep him with us our entire time in Ethiopia!  I could not stop
smiling.  (And crying)

I can't say enough about the Ethiopian People.  From the first greeting (sign
holding lady), they were incredibly warm.  They make direct eye contact, have
huge smiles and grasp your hand or arm.  They introduce themselves by saying,
"My name is .... and it means....."  For that reason alone, I am glad we will be
changing Sofani's name back when we are in the States to his given name.  Names
are powerful here.  They are meaningful and people delight in your comments
about them.  With a generation of older people being wiped out, I am certain
these traditions with naming and meanings are even more precious.  So, after
court tomorrow, Sofani will become Sofani Jason Buck according to the law. 
Then, when he arrives in the states with us as a US citizen, we are permitted to
change it back.  Sofani Zenebe Gezahegn Buck our fourth Buck.  

Alemu, our Ethiopian representative from AAI, picked us up at 2:00pm to take us
to Jane's House, a transition home for children who have been identified and
placed with waiting families.  We drove through streets lined with people, a
herd of goats, tiny children walking without adults, and no traffic laws to
speak of.  There is a fine layer of dust and dirt everywhere on everything and
everyone.  We pulled up outside a gated house and Alemu honked and the gate was
opened.  Standing in the courtyard, before I even had time to grab my camera,
was Sofani.  He walked up to Jason and hugged him for a long time and kissed his
cheek, he then came to me and hugged me (for a shorter time).  He had a huge
smile and was very quiet.  His hands were shaking as he held the door for me and
I, of course, was crying.  He looked exactly like the pictures we had been sent
from other adoptive families recently, we sat next to each other on a couch and
he reached for Jason's hand and held it on and off all day.  He is so loving. 
He was speaks quietly and was delighted to show us that he can read English
well.  Our new son is a lefty (Grandma Nini and Uncle Pat finally have their
fellow - left hander) and incredibly artistic.  He ran to his room to show us a
journal that he had drawn animals, birds, abstract art, and people in.  I can't
imagine him having any formal education in art, but he even had a still life
drawing of fuit and a jar on a table that I swear is beyond his age. Proud Mama. 
He tells us he wants us to take his drawings back with us to give to the kids. 
I asked if he had a picture of his mother because I want to have it framed and
hung in our living room.  I don't want to pretend he didn't have loving parents
that were part of his life.  He brought out a book with about 7 photos of family
with pages worn. In it were 5 pictures of our family, too. This appeared to be
his only possession.  Alemu acted as translator for about 1/2hour and then asked
if we were ready to go to the hotel.  Sure!

We took a tour of Jane's house prior to leaving and learned there are 23
children living there including 3 sets of twins.  Sofani is the oldest child
ever adopted by our company from Ethiopia, so he obviously is the oldest, and
the youngest is almost 4 weeks old.  The nurse invited me in to see the rows of
babies in cribs and I don't know that I've ever seen such beautiful babies. 
Some of them smiled up at us, and some look shocked - probably because we don't
look Ethiopian- but I feigned mild interest.  I did not want Sofani to think for
a minute that we were in love with these babies.  He was OUR baby and even
though we couldn't communicate that through language yet, I was determined to
communicate it through body language.  Alemu suddenly ushered us out as he had
blocked a street with his car and we needed to go NOW!  We hurriedly said
goodbye to Sofani's friends, Meskereem and Hawi, two beautiful little girls
going to a home less than 2 hours from us in Ohio, and we were off!  Sofani
beamed from ear to ear as we walked out of the gates and got into Alemu's car. 
I gave him my phone full of video and pics of the kids and house and he poured
over these quietly, smiling all the while.  We soon learned that we didn't need
Alemu.  We were going to do just fine communicating.  He has this adorable way
of inhaling suddenly when in agreement with you and smiling - almost like a
gasp.  We arrived in the hotel and he took his first ride on an elevator, we
presume, and we were able to explain through facial expressions that Avery is
terrified of elevators.  He thought that was hysterical.   We showed him his
room and knelt on the floor beside the bed as he examined new clothes, a US
wooden puzzle, and legos.  He immediately put the new clothes on and I saw that
the bag he brought had PJ's and one other outfit, which we had mailed months
before.  His tennis shoes had someone else's name on the bottom.  This hit me
hard.  This child - OUR child - was wearing shoes cast off by some American
cleaning her closet.  They, well-meaningly, had ended up here, far away from
their home on an Ethiopian boy who had NOTHING to his name. 

The staff greeted Sofani warmly.  This country is so very young and they love
children.  Everyone gave him attention and one even spoke his native dialect,
which was a big help!  The staff insisted he see the pool, as they are very
proud of it and he immmediately wanted to swim.   Some of the staff peeked out
of the rooms they were cleaning giggling at us and murmurring, "Lucky, Lucky,"
as we walked down the hallway. 

After swimming, a dinner in an authentic Ethiopian restuarant, where we had
Sofani order for us, 2 games of UNO, a Tom and Jerry and Spongebob episode on
the computer, some WWE, which he loves, a taxi ride, room service, a lego
project, a lesson on the World and US maps about his new home, explanantions of
everything from a shower to hand sanitizer, arm wrestling, push-up contests, and
hitting me on the rear with a soccer ball as I bent to get into a suitcase, I'd
say this little boy reminds me so much of Jackson and other boys.  Some things
are universal. 

One of those universal things is LOVE and we will make certain he feels it and
knows it as we say prayers with our son tonight.  Thank you God for Avery,
Jackson, Anna and Sofani.

Back on Track

On Monday morning the phone rang.  I saw that it was the adoption agency calling from Michigan.  The court hearing that took place earlier in the day in Ethiopia had taken place and we were anxiously awaiting the results.  I took a deep breath and answered.  It was Sally.  “Good news,” she said.  I took a deep breath and let out a big “woo-hoo!”  The judge had approved Sofani’s case and had moved it to the second phase – our day in court to approve the adoption.

Evidentially the Judge read the letter Staci and I wrote her.  The letter not only detailed our plans to keep Sofani in touch with Liya, his biological sister in Texas; it explained how I met Sofani and how this was clearly God’s plan for our family.  At the end of the letter we threw out a request that may have appeared a bit bold, but we wanted to give it a shot while we had the Judge’s attention.  Here’s what we said:

“We would respectfully request that the courts do everything in their power to expedite the adoption process for Sofani to our family.  Sofani is older than the other children in the transition home and we’re certain that he was as disappointed as we were with the delay.  We are willing to do whatever it takes to bring Sofani to his new home in the United States.  We appreciate your consideration and thank you for the opportunity to make Sofani our son.”

What Sally told me next made me laugh.  The Judge set a court date for us next Wednesday.  

Luckily we have all of our documents ready to go.  Staci has been packing for weeks.  She even bought a new dress for court (of course).  We just booked our flights this morning. We’re leaving Sunday on a flight that will take us to Addis via Germany.  We are scheduled to arrive in Ethiopia Monday night and I’ll have the honor of introducing Staci to Sofani on Tuesday.   I can’t wait.

A Letter from Texas/Two Steps in Court

This has been a long week. 

When we set out to adopt Sofani people told us that there would be bumps on the road and that we would be frustrated because of the lack of control we would experience during the adoption process.  Since January things have been smooth sailing.  We hit our first bump last week and it felt like a pothole.  Let me explain what happened. 

There are two steps in the court proceedings in Ethiopia.  One is attended by the child’s closest relatives.  This happened last Thursday.  In Sofani’s case it was attended by his Aunt.  It’s also important to know that Sofani has a younger sister, Liya, that was adopted to a family in the U.S. about a year ago.  At last week’s hearing, the Judge wanted to know if Liya’s family wanted to adopt Sofani and keep the two siblings together.  As hard as this was to hear, we truly appreciate the Judge’s concern for the kids and held our breath as our agency worked to find Liya's parents.

Last Thursday and Friday seemed like a week.  Finally, on Friday evening, we heard from Sally (the caseworker from our agency).  She informed us that she tracked down Liya’s parents with the help of another agency and they weren't going to stand in our way.  They also said that they would be willing to write a letter to the Judge saying that they weren’t able to take Sofani and would work with us to keep Sofani and Liya in touch with one another once he was in the U.S.  We were thrilled.  We weren’t having any luck getting answers about Liya and her new family.  We’re grateful that the Judge asked the question and prompted the search that led us to this information.

Tonight we’re expecting to learn Liya’s parent’s names, their exact location and contact information.  At this point all that we know is that they live in Texas. 

Liya’s parent’s letter will accompany ours and will be given to the Judge at the family’s next hearing on Monday, May 14th.  We pray that the Judge accepts these letters and will assign a court date for the second step.  We also pray that the Judge will assign a court date for us during Monday’s proceedings.   This will mean that Staci and I will have a new travel date and can make arrangements to resume our plans and finally see Sofani.  We cannot wait.  It is difficult to think about anything else.

We put together a care package for Sofani that was shipped this morning.  He has a picture book with photos of our house, family, friends, aunts, uncles, church, school, etc.  Staci wrote descriptions under each picture so he could begin to visualize his new surroundings in Selma.  Staci also filled the box with a new outfit, Lego’s, candy and letters from each of us. 

Papaw Tom also installed the bunk bed system in Jackson and Sofani’s room.  I wish I would have had something like this in my fraternity house.  It’s unbelievable. 

We also learned that Sofani has become friends with two girls (sisters) ages 7 and 12 in the transition home in Addis.  Ironically, they’re going to be adopted to a family less than two hours from us in Ohio.  I made contact with them last night.  I’m happy that Sofani is going to have some friends to call and visit when he arrives.

If you’re praying for our new family to be united, please pray that the Judge accepts our documents, that we’re assigned a new court date very soon and for our son.  Sofani knows that we were delayed.  I have to think this was as disappointing for him as it was for us.  Please pray that Sofani remains hopeful and courageous. 

Unsettling News

Today in Addis Ababa Sofani’s extended family had to appear in court to meet with the Judge as part of the adoption process.   This is a standard court hearing that is typically uneventful – more procedural than anything.

Things didn’t go as planned and there has been a delay in the process.  Staci and I are distraught and are asking for your prayers.

First, this is a new Judge.  She began on May 1^st.  Alemu, our representative from the International Agency in Addis, said that it was his first encounter with her in court.  She requested additional information to be provided; thus reassigning a new court date for Sofani’s extended family.  They have to reappear in court on May 14^th.  Staci and I will not be traveling to Addis as planned next week.  God willing we’ll be rescheduled later this month.

The issue is that Sofani has a 7 year old sister that was adopted to a family in the U.S. about a year ago.  We’ve known this all along and have intended to track them down and reunite Sofani with his sister when he arrives in the U.S.  We want them to know each other and stay in contact.  The Judge feels that this family should be contacted first and given an opportunity to adopt Sofani.  That’s not at all what we wanted to hear.

Sally, our representative from the International Agency in Michigan, is now in contact with the agency that Sofani’s sister’s parents used to let them know what the Judge said today.  Sally gave their agent all of the background on how I met Sofani and how Sofani wound up in the transition home in Addis.  I have requested that they give my information to the family so that I can talk with them about our story with Sofani.  I am dying to speak with them.  I want them to know how God has led us to this point and plead with them to allow the process to make Sofani our son to continue.

Of course we want them to say that they don’t want to adopt him but it’s definitely a possibility that they could decide that they wanted to pursue him.  If the roles were reversed I could certainly understand their position and their desire to keep them together.  My prayer is that they’ll be touched by our story and understand how close we are to adopting Sofani having just gone through this emotional rollercoaster themselves a year ago.  I pray.

If the Sofani’s sister’s parents allow us to continue, we believe that they will have to produce a document to this effect to accompany Sofani’s extended family in court in Addis on the 14^th.  What exactly the Judge is looking for needs to be clarified.  This is in the works as I type this.

As you know this has been a smooth and tremendously joyful process to this point.  We have reached our first bump in the road.  When we entered into the process we knew that it wouldn’t go exactly as planned because of all the variables out of our control, but you never want to experience anything that could completely derail our course.

This afternoon’s events have ripped our guts out.  It has prompted us to ask the question, “What if God has been using us this entire time to reunite Sofani with his sister?”  “How could we get this far in the process and have something like this happen?”

I ask you to pray that God’s will be done.  If Sofani is meant to be our son then allow things to progress.  Pray for Sofani’s sister’s parents as they’re faced with this decision.  Pray for the Judge and her ruling.  Pray for my family.  And, most importantly, pray for Sofani.